


Forever and Always

by NightSkyBear



Series: Random fics [5]
Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anorexia, Blood, Car Accidents, Clingy Tyler, Couch Cuddles, Crying, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt, short tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:24:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSkyBear/pseuds/NightSkyBear
Summary: Tyler has anorexia, Josh helps him try to get better.





	Forever and Always

"Ty, dinner's ready!" Josh called, Tyler sighed and slowly walked to the kitchen, their apartment wasn't that big so it only took a few strides to get there, Tyler making it 5. 

"I know Ty, but you have to, you're getting thin. I don't want you to go through it again, baby boy." Josh frowned, he placed the small bowl of pasta in front of Tyler and gave him a fork and a bottle of water. He made himself a bowl and sat down at the table with his boyfriend and began eating. 

Tyler swirled the spaghetti around on his fork and watched the the food slide off. "Don't play with it, take a bite, please? For me?" Josh pleaded, he smiled encouragingly as his boyfriend looked at him then back at the food.

Tyler twisted the fork in the pasta and brought up a few noodles, he slid them into his mouth and almost instantly gagged, he closed his eyes and continued to chew the food, he swallowed roughly. He opened the bottle of water and chugged half of it, Josh smiled at the small boy, he was progressing.

"Do you feel anything?" Josh asked worriedly, Tyler did feel nausea and bile in the back of his throat but he tried to push it away. He didn't answer Josh.

"Can you take another bite?" Josh questioned, Tyler felt repugnance at taking another bite, he didn't want to but he had to. For Josh. He hesitantly nodded and swirled more noodles onto the fork.

"Don't push yourself Ty, if you can't do it i understand. Just finish your water." Josh assured, he had already finished his pasta and water, he was just there to help Tyler. Tyler really didn't think he could but he would try. For Josh, for himself and everyone who loves him. He closed his eyes and pushed the food into his mouth, resisting the urge to vomit, he did it once more then another.

He stopped there, one more bite and he was going to explode, he swallowed and drained the water bottle, he smiled at his progress and looked up and saw Josh beaming, it made him even happier.

"You did so well baby boy, you ate half of it, i'm so proud of you!" Josh praised, he smiled at the small boy.

Tyler looked down at the bowl and saw the bowl still had quite a bit, it put a small damper on his happiness but he tried not to let it get to him.

"I feel full, so so full." Tyler commented, he placed a hand on his stomach and a sudden nausea washed over him, he felt it coming. He felt it and he couldn't stop it, he ran to the bathroom and just barely made it in time, vomited violently, until he was just dry heaving.

He looked into the toilet bowl and he couldn't help the sadness that overcame him, he broke into tears and tucked his head between his knees and sobbed.

"Oh my, Tyler baby don't cry, please don't cry. You did an amazing job, you ate more than you did last night, you're progressing." Josh tried to reassure, he stay in the doorway away from Tyler, Tyler didn't like to be touched 95% of the time, if he did then he would initiate contact first, and right now he wasn't so Josh didn't know if he should touch the distressed boy.

"It's not okay! i ate more and threw it all up! I tried, Josh, I tried hard. For you. But i failed, i can't do it, it won't stop, it won't go away no matter how hard i tried." Tyler sobbed, Josh wanted nothing more than to hold the frail boy and tell him everything was going to be fine.

"Baby boy, no one expects it to leave, you just have to progress and try and get better, it doesn't have to go away. I know you tried and that's why we'll try again and again until you get better, i'll be there every step of the way, i promise." Josh tried to assure the boy, he sat on the floor, not too close to Tyler but a decent amount of space between them.

Tyler looked at Josh through watery eyes, he slowly crawled over to Josh and sat on his lap and rested his head on his shoulder, Josh instantly wrapped his arms around the small boy and let him cry on his shoulder. He loved his boyfriend dearly, seeing him like this hurt his heart so much.

The boy cried until he passed out, Josh carefully stood up with Tyler in his arms, Tyler was very light weighed, he flushed the toilet and carried the brown haired male to their bedroom. He laid Tyler down on the bed and undressed him and put him in his night clothes, once he was done he watched the boy for a few seconds before starting to leave. 

He heard a small 'Josh' from Tyler and turned around, Tyler's teeth were chattering and he was shaking.

"I-I'm c-cold," Tyler shivered, Josh frowned, he knew it was apart of Tyler condition due to it being a summer night and actually pretty hot. He covered Tyler in a blanket but he was still complaining, he took off his hoodie and slipped it on Tyler and wrapped him in another blanket, he was still shivering but he didn't complain anymore and let the darkness take over.

Josh ran a hand through his hair and sighed, he walked to the kitchen, sweatpants hanging lowly around his waist, he cleaned off the table and wash and dried the dishes. He turned off the T.V and straightened up the pillows on the sofa then turned off the lights and went to his bed and forced himself to sleep.

* * *

 

Tyler woke up and it was still dark out, in fact, everything was dark, there was no light.

He wasn't scared though, he heard Josh's soft snore so that meant Josh was there and if something was to happen, Josh would protect him. 

Tyler really loved Josh, he knew Josh was going to be there for him no matter what, he had been since high school. He one day just showed up and made Tyler's black and white, life, yellow, blue and red. He smiled and ran his fingers through Josh red hair, the color soothed him so Josh continued to keep it that color. 

His therapist said he may rely on Josh a little too much, he was too dependant on the red haired man. Tyler didn't like that and asked Josh to get a new therapist, Josh immediately started looking for a new one. He wanted everything for his baby, he'd give up everything for him. He would give up his yellow, blue, white and red and trade it for Tyler's black if it meant his happiness.

"Love you," Josh mumbled when he had shuffled awake for a few seconds, he went back to sleep immediately afterwards. Tyler chuckled and kept running his hands through Josh hair, he leaned down and gave him a chaste peck on the lips, Josh smiled sleepily and turned on his back.

Tyler recognized it as an invitation, he took it, he laid down on Josh's chest. He smiled fondly at the beats of his heart, he tapped out the rhythm on his stomach and let it lul him to sleep.

* * *

"Josh, answer your phone. Wake up, it's ringing," Tyler groaned, he shook Josh awake and held the phone in front of his face, he made sure the brightness was dimmed before he did it, he didn't want Josh to go blind.

Josh took the phone and answered it.

"Hello?" Josh greeted groggily.

"Hey Josh!" Josh recognized it as his best friend, Brendon.

"I've said this a million time before but i'll say it again. Your morning voice is-" Brendon started but Josh cut him off.

"Is a sexy as Dallon wearing nothing all day. It doesn't make sense Bren, but continue." Josh interrupted, Brendon cackled loudly over the phone, Tyler eyes widened in excitement and a huge smile engulfed his frown.

"Is that Forehead? I want to talk to him! He's my favorite!" Tyler beamed at Josh. Brendon, was in fact, Tyler's favorite of Josh's friend, he was funny and had a weird sense of humor and was bubbly and lively. The exact opposite of Tyler, that's why Tyler loved him.

"Tyler wants to talk to you, hold on." Josh informed and gave Tyler the phone, which he happily took.

"Hi Forehead!" Tyler spoke, he was oddly happy today, Josh noticed.

"Hey how ya doin', Tiny Ty?" Brendon greeted happily, Tyler would usually be upset when people called him small or tiny or little but it was Brendon and he loved when he would do it. Only him and Josh, and maybe his mom, but that's it!

"I'm feeling happy today, i don't feel sick," Tyler smiled, he made himself comfortable on Josh lap.

"And why is that?" Brendon asked, when Josh wasn't there, Brendon would encourage Tyler to eat.

"I ate half a granola bar and a whole bowl of cereal and i didn't throw up! Josh says i'm getting better, i still feel it trying to come up but i'm holding it in," Tyler beamed, Josh raised his eyebrow and smiled slightly.

"Oh i'm so proud of you Ty! That's a lot to eat, and Josh is right, as far as i saw you're getting so much better and improving a shit ton," Brendon praised truthfully, they could practically feel Brendon's smile through the phone. Tyler heard shuffling and Brendon talking to someone in the background.

"Dallon says he's proud of you too, you've come a long way Ty, you really have. You deserve this happiness," Brendon told him softly, Tyler smiled softly, he passed Josh the phone.

"I'm back now," Josh informed.

"Great, i called for something.." Brendon trailed off, Dallon in the background reminded him. "Right! Pete called in sick and we're one man down, the coffee shop is busy, lots of teens and exams. Get down here," Brendon told him, Josh groaned.

"But it was my day off, i was gonna spend it with my baby, can't you ask Patrick or Yelyah?" Josh whined, he knew he had to but he just wanted to stall.

"Pete's sick, with the flu, you know Patrick is all over that shit. Hayley's out of town with her family. Josh, just bring your sorry ass down here, it's about to get fucking crazy." Brendon demanded before hanging up.

Josh sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.

"Ty, i have to go to work, the boys need another person," Josh frowned, Tyler sighed sadly, he sat up from Josh's lap and sat on his side of the bed.

"Finals week?" Tyler asked quietly, Josh stood up and started getting ready for work, Tyler laid down and twirled his fingers through his hair, it was one of the few things he liked about himself, he liked it when it was long but not to long.

"Finals week." Josh finally answered once he was dressed, Tyler hummed and continued to play in his hair.

"Well, i'm ready. I'll see you later baby, by the way, i'm very very proud of you. You're doing real good, progressing slowly but surely, i'll be back in a couple of hours." Josh assured, he hesitantly kissed Tyler's forehead. Tyler leaned into the kiss and smiled. 

 "Thank you Joshie, for helping me. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, i love you, be home soon." Tyler hugged the older man and gave him a peck on the lips, Josh noticed that he was more touchy feely today. 

"Love you too baby boy." Josh smiled brightly before leaving the room, Tyler heard the front door squeak open and close, he sighed and frowned. 

What was he going to do today without Josh, he does everything with Josh, he doesn't even know what he'd do without him. Probably what he tried to do not long before he met Josh, he still went up to that building but only with Josh, only Josh.

\---4 year flashback---

Josh was the one who found him up there, at the edge. Eyes red and puffy from crying for hours, skin pale, skinny as a pole and shivering. 

Tyler was about to end it, if he didn't end it then, his disease would do it for him, it probably would have took longer and he would probably suffer. He didn't like pain or suffering, he'd decided to end it all that night. He knew, despite what his doctor and his parents said, he wasn't going to ever get better, he'd just go ahead and let his pain end, let his suffering end.

He was tired of only seeing black and white, he'd rather see nothing than just those two colors, he neared closer to the edge.

Nothing here was good for him, he was going to waste away anyway so why wait? He neared closer to the edge, he still wondered how he never got caught climbing a 13 story building. It doesn't matter now, nothing did. 

He looked down at the city below and smiled, it was so bright at night, full of different colors, happy people walking and laughing with their friends, Tyler would never have that. He'd never have that, he'd always be alone.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, blood was still running down his arms, lots of it. He loosened his grip on the edge of the wall and slowly started to slide down. That is until he felt warm hands wrap around his thin torso and quickly pull him back up with ease.

His eyes short open and he immediately started to struggle out of the person's hand, the person didn't let him go, he let Tyler tire himself out and broke into tears. He cried and leaned into the sudden warmth, he soon got weaker and stopped crying, he felt warm, something he hadn't felt in a while. 

Apparently the man had called the police, he felt someone trying to lift him up but he didn't want to go, he gripped the man's shirt and held it tightly, not wanting to leave the warmth.

He heard people trying to talk to him but he blocked it out and wrapped his thin arms around the man's torso, getting blood on his shirt.

"Sir, we need to take you to the hospital and stitch up your wounds," One emt informed, she tried to guide Tyler off of the red haired man but he shook his head and held on to the man. The man slowly coaxed Tyler off of him and gave the tiny boy to the one, Tyler of course put up a fight but he tired out easily and just cried as the man went further and further out of his vision.

The EMT had tried to coach Tyler into the vehicle but he hated hospitals and refused, but she had forced him in because apparently she could do that if she felt as he needed serious medical attention.

Tyler saw the red haired man looking at him worriedly, he frowned at the woman.

"Can he come please? I'll go without a problem if he comes, please?" Tyler begged brokenly, another EMT who was male had nodded and sent someone to get him. So they both rode in silence to the hospital and everything he did was with the man that saved his life and made it worthwhile.

\---End of flashback---

Tyler decided to clean up a bit, that only took an hour because Tyler always cleaned up, plus him and Josh weren't that messy and picked up after themselves.

He then decided to freshen up, take a shower, brush his teeth brush his hair. That took another hour of his time, 6 more to go.

He went to the kitchen and took a bottle of water, gulped it down and threw it in the trash bin in one shot, lots of basketball practice.

Tyler got bored easily, he did random things such move things around and turn the T.V on and off, he was still bored so he got out his little black notebook and wrote down how he was feeling.

It soon turned into something he did for 3 hours, his fingers started cramping, he winced and bent them, he studied them too. They're much thicker than they were four years ago, he smiled but frowned, he didn't like his hands but Josh did, but Josh liked every inch of him anyway.

Josh. The man that saved Tyler all those years ago. The man that stuck with him through day and night, he fed Tyler and helped him get better.

If it wasn't for Josh saving him that night he wouldn't have had any friends, a home and he wouldn't have felt anything for anybody. Josh really was an angel, Tyler was very grateful for him and he felt as he owed Josh everything. That's why he's doing his best to get better, even though it doesn't work out sometimes he tries harder.

He decided to take a nap and Josh would come home and wake him up as usual. 

\---

Tyler woke up expecting Josh to be next to him, he wasn't. Tyler checked the time on his phone and furrowed his brows, it was well passed the time Josh was supposed to be home. 

He got up and looked around the apartment to see he if he was in any other room, he wasn't. Tyler frowned, Josh always came home 15 minutes after getting home from work, if he wasn't then he'd give Tyler a text, his phone had received no texts from Josh, some from his friends earlier but he'd answer those later.

He figured Brendon or Dallon would know where he was so he gave Brendon a call.

"H-Hello? Brendon?" Tyler asked, he heard shuffling, Tyler assumed they were still at work closing up, deciding by the sounds of chairs being scraped against the floor.

"Dallon. Hey Ty, what's up?" Dallon answered.

"Dal, is Josh there? H-He's not home and i'm w-worried." Tyler stuttered, he started pacing slowly, not realizing he was doing it.

"Actually, no. He had left about 30 minutes ago, he had to work later than usual." Dallon explained, Tyler gasped and quickly said goodbye to Dallon suddenly and tried to call Josh. No answer.

He tried again multiple times but still nothing. Tyler started to panic because Josh always answered his phone when he called, except when it died. 

He tried waiting an hour for Josh but he couldn't wait any longer so he called Dallon back who immediately picked up, his voice was slightly wavered and he could hear Brendon in the background shouting frantically. Tyler began to panic again, he decided to go to the coffee shop and look for Josh.

"Tyler.. Josh... H-He's been hit by a car, he's uh- just get down here." Dallon sniffed and hung up. Tyler's eyes widened and tears immediately started to appear, he wasn't true, it couldn't be true.

Tyler ran as fast as his little legs could carry him, he saw flashing red lights, police cars gathered around, people gathered around murmuring. Tyler pushed passed them and stopped when he saw, Josh wasn't moving and everything was just red, there was glass littering his body and the ground, the front of the light grey car was crushed, it had crashed into a street pole, by the looks of it it was from going way too fast, judging by the fresh skid marks.

The person in the car was still conscious and was being helped out of the car, his face was bleeding from a gash on his forehead. Tyler was stuck on Josh, it was not a pretty sight, blood was all over his face and his shirt was torn and bloodied, there was so much blood. Too much blood.

He ran over to the people pushing Josh but they held him back saying some bullshit Tyler didn't care about, he only cared for Josh, he tried to push past them and reach his boyfriend but the woman held him back, he tried to tell her that Josh was his boyfriend but it all came out as incoherent sobs and pleads. The woman had understood half of what he was saying and went ahead and let him through. 

Tyler ran to Josh and place his hands on his bloodied face and talk to him, he tried so hard, getting covered in blood that was mainly Josh's, he saw there was a deep gash on his head that was steadily flowing blood he tried to cover it with his hand but he knew it wasn't going to work, the people pushing Josh told him he needed to leave but Tyler didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with Josh, he fought the man off but eventually Dallon and Brendon came up and guided him away from the man who was now not breathing.

Tyler sobbed into Brendon's shoulder, being too short to sob any higher. Brendon held him and he cried himself, so did Dallon, they all cried in each other's arms, This wasn't real, it couldn't be real. Josh wasn't wasn't gone, Josh wouldn't leave Tyler alone, he said he never would. 

Eventually they had to leave, they wound up at the hospital, Dallon was the one in charge, he comforted Brendon and Tyler and was updated about how Josh was doing, which wasn't good at all. He lost  _a lot_ of blood, he started breathing but stopped again, but this time for good. 

Josh was dead. He was ripped away from Tyler, by a drunk driver, the police updated them and said the man was drunk and he made it out with a gash to the head. That was the major injury he had, a  _gash to the head_. The man struck and killed Josh,  _his Joshie,_ and only got away with a head gash. Tyler was infuriated, his entire world was taken from him by some dickhead who thought it would be an okay idea to drive while under the influence. 

Tyler cried, he cried and cried and cried. He cried on the way to his apartment, he cried when Dallon put him in bed and tried to comfort him but he didn't want Dallon right now, he wanted Josh. If he couldn't have Josh he wanted to be alone, which Dallon reluctantly gave in and left with a lifeless eyed Brendon in his arms.

Tyler cried and called out for Josh, clutching the red haired man's pillow as tightly as he could, he called out for Josh and repeated his name over as if it would bring him back.

"Josh.. Please... My God. Please Josh, i need you so much please come back, i love you so much," Tyler sobbed, he screamed into Josh's pillow and sobbed harder. Josh was his lifeline, the reason he kept fighting, the reason he hadn't jumped, the reason he was alive at this very moment. Now he was gone and Tyler had no clue what to do so he just continued to cry out Josh's name.

\---

"Tyler, baby! Wake up!" a familiar voice sounded, Tyler's eyes shot open and he panted. He looked to where the voice came from and his breath stopped. There sat he, looking at Tyler with worried brown eyes.

"You were screaming my name like you were being murdered, you're crying like crazy and you're clutching my pillow like it's your lifeline-" Josh was cut off by Tyler leaping into his arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder, Josh was caught off guard and he fell back onto the bed on his back, he soothed the small boy.

Once .Tyler stopped crying which took over an hour, Josh was starting to hurt in this uncomfortable position, he tried to pull Tyler off but he only whined and held on tighter, Josh didn't try again after that, he wasn't going to move the small boy off. 

Tyler wasn't heavy at all so Josh sat up with ease, he stood up, Tyler instantly straddled his waisted, Josh put his hand under Tyler's bottom for more support.

"You gonna stay like this for the rest of the night, Baby boy?" Josh questioned, Tyler merely nodded and rested his head on Josh's shoulder.

Josh chuckled and ran his fingers through the boy's fluffy hair with his free and walked to the living room and sat down, he turned on the T.V and let it run as background noises. He repeatedly curled his fingers through Tyler's hair, he hummed along to a song he heard on the radio on the way home. 

"Did you eat anything while i was out, sweet pea?" Josh whispered contently, Tyler thought back and nodded.

"The rest of the granola bar and the apple slices in the fridge," Tyler hummed, he loved how warm Joh was, he snuggled in as close as he could and sighed in content.

Josh kissed the top of his head and praised him, Tyler just basked in the praises and thanked God he had Josh.

"I love you, Joshie." Tyler mumbled. He smiled and closed his eyes.

"I love you too, munchkin, Forever and Always." Josh smiled fondly, still playing in Tyler's hair.

"Forever and Always." Tyler repeated. He leaned into Josh's touch. He was thankful for this red head angel.


End file.
